My name is Brad. I am a writer, I am awkward in social situations, and I spend a lot of time in coffee shops trying to escape all of the terribly distracting things I find at home (video games, movies, tv, cats, comics, vitamin water, robots, etc.). I rotate amongst local coffee shops throughout the week so that no single location becomes too familiar with my presence. Spending any appreciable amount of time in one place is bound to make you privy to the occasional odd situation, but I have come to believe that coffee shops are breeding grounds for weird. The following is my account of the wonderfully weird and horribly awkward situations I have encountered.

Close Encounters of the Awkward Kind

So, a while back at one particular location I started noticing a fellow regular (FR).  She frequented the place, studying for her MCATs .   Though the first few times I saw her passed without event, things soon got awkward.

Awkward Chivalry: FR gets up from one of the comfy chairs next to me to go to the restroom and Massive Man sits in her seat, despite the fact that all of her stuff is still there.  I kindly inform Massive Man that someone was sitting there, and he says “Oh” and moves to another seat.  She is never aware that I took the awkward bullet for her.

Awkward Eye Contact: One day I was itz (in the zone) while writing, completely blanking out the world around me.  For some reason I looked up just as FR was taking a seat near me.  I made eye contact and froze, like a deer in the headlights.  After making eye contact for far far too long, I turned away far far too fast.  I snapped my head back down to my computer and didn’t look away until I left.

Awkward Sorbetto: I came in to see FR sampling Sorbetto at the counter.  I ordered coffee.  We had this exchange:

FR: This is really great!  You need to get a sample.
Brad: Yeah, I’ve had one before.  I need caffeine.

I then found a seat in silence.  Smooth, Brad, smooth.

Awkward First Conversation: One day I took a seat next to FR (it was the only comfy chair open), opened up my laptop, plugged in my headphones, then right before putting them in my ears FR proceeded to strike up a conversation.  It was very basic, questions about what I was working on and such.  The awkwardness came from a small lull in the conversation.  I took the moment to put my headphones on without even ending the conversation.  I had already plugged them into my computer so my logic is that she must have known I intended to use them.  Needless to say, it was probably the most awkward way I’ve ever ended a conversation.

Final Awkward Conversation: Some time goes by and I run into FR.  I ask how MCAT studying is going.  She proceeds to tell me she doesn’t like the genetics chapter.   I proceed to sound like an idiot.

Brad: Oh, do you have to deal with a lot of those… uhhh… charts?
FR: Charts?
Brad: I forget what they are called.
FR: DNA sequencing?
Brad: Uh.. Yeah.

Of course that wasn’t what I was thinking of.  I was thinking of Punnett Squares (which would have been a stupid thing to say anyhow).  Now I was awkward and kinda stupid.  That was the last time I saw her at that Starbucks.

Did I mention she was cute and trying to be a doctor?  Though I like to think that she simply gave up on her dreams of being a doctor and thus stopped studying, I don’t think that’s the case.  Awkwardness 1, Brad 0.

Note: If I ever start talking to FR again, this post will cease to exist.

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