My name is Brad. I am a writer, I am awkward in social situations, and I spend a lot of time in coffee shops trying to escape all of the terribly distracting things I find at home (video games, movies, tv, cats, comics, vitamin water, robots, etc.). I rotate amongst local coffee shops throughout the week so that no single location becomes too familiar with my presence. Spending any appreciable amount of time in one place is bound to make you privy to the occasional odd situation, but I have come to believe that coffee shops are breeding grounds for weird. The following is my account of the wonderfully weird and horribly awkward situations I have encountered.

Son, Get Your Act Together.

This was an actual conversation between a very harsh father and his 5 year-old son, grammar errors and all.  I typed it out as it was actually going down.  Note that the father was completely serious and very short with the kid through all of this.

Harsh Dad: I want to know what you learned.
Kid: I don’t remember.
Harsh Dad: That’s ridiculous.  I don’t remember how to buy you food, either.

Kid looks slightly heart-broken/hungry. Harsh Dad looks at Kid’s graded homework.

Harsh Dad: You didn’t get a star on this one.
Kid: He didn’t do stars.
Harsh Dad: Well, there is a star on this one.

Kid is silent.

Harsh Dad: Why is there X’s on this one?
Kid: Cause I accidentally did it wrong.
Harsh Dad: Why did you do it wrong?

Moment of examination.

Harsh Dad: Oh I see… color the pattern, match the cow.  Alright, let’s go to Taekwondo.

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