My name is Brad. I am a writer, I am awkward in social situations, and I spend a lot of time in coffee shops trying to escape all of the terribly distracting things I find at home (video games, movies, tv, cats, comics, vitamin water, robots, etc.). I rotate amongst local coffee shops throughout the week so that no single location becomes too familiar with my presence. Spending any appreciable amount of time in one place is bound to make you privy to the occasional odd situation, but I have come to believe that coffee shops are breeding grounds for weird. The following is my account of the wonderfully weird and horribly awkward situations I have encountered.

Over-Caffeinated Valley.

So, as I sit here at almost 4 in the morning trying to get some work done, I’ve realized that the graph of the Uncanny Valley is a pretty good match for my productivity vs coffee intake.
If you are unfamiliar with the uncanny valley, it is the idea that while robots become more pleasing as [...]

B.L. Update.

Do you remember B.L. from this previous post?  Well, it turns out that she wasn’t a fellow patron, but actually a barista.  She is actually a rather friendly barista who not only gave me free blueberry cake, but who also seems to enjoy talking to all of the customers.  Along with lessening the weirdness of [...]

I Don’t Think Any Of Us Expected Him To Say That.

At about 730 pm last night, Starbucks was completely quiet.  Everyone was minding their own business when a Panicky Man suddenly stood up and yelled…
Did you hear that girl screaming?  There is a girl screaming at the top of her lungs!
He looked out the windows, then ran out of the Starbucks leaving behind not only [...]

Free Coffee Is Expensive.

Today at Starbucks I found a money clip on the ground.  It had at least one twenty and about 5 to 7 other bills.  Being the good samaritan I am, I turned it over to the barista, who in turn gave me free coffee for “doing a good deed.”  Later I also got some free [...]

A Careful Choice of Words.

Apparently Starbucks is a great place for old dudes to hit on high school girls.  Today I saw a Creepy Older Guy (about 40, business suit) chatting up a very spunky younger girl (high school-looking) that he’d clearly talked to previously.  I’ll call her B.L.  You’ll see why.
Note: she wasn’t sitting at his table, but [...]

Wow, These Guys Have Great Taste.

You ever get that feeling that Starbucks is playing all the music that you love?  Well, if you’re like me, that probably means that your iPhone is actually playing in your pocket while everyone around you internally debates whether or not to tell you.

That’s So Clever!

I’ve found a new reason to dislike in-your-face vegetarians.  There was a woman talking loudly on a phone earpiece…
Oh, are you going to be serving dead cow?…  I don’t eat dead cow…  Brian eats dead cow.  Brian eats anything.
The most painful part was that she kept putting extra emphasis on “dead cow” as she smiled [...]

Don’t Drink and Drive.

I recently discovered my car had been sideswiped.  Not horrible, but a few nice long scrapes in the rear passanger quarter panel.  It is clear that someone cut it to hard when pulling out of thier parking spot next to mine.   It also goes for about two feet or so, thus the person obviously realized [...]

Panda Express Viral Marketing?

Just when I thought I’d had an uneventful evening at Starbucks, I walk out the door at about 10 to midnight when a car with 2 dudes in it drives by and the passenger screams out…
“HEY ORANGE CHICKEN!”
First I want to clarify that I am absolutely sure this is what he said.  Also, I was [...]

They’re Multiplying.

When I showed up at Starbucks today, there was one homeless guy sleeping on one of the outside chairs.  When I left, there were three.