My name is Brad. I am a writer, I am awkward in social situations, and I spend a lot of time in coffee shops trying to escape all of the terribly distracting things I find at home (video games, movies, tv, cats, comics, vitamin water, robots, etc.). I rotate amongst local coffee shops throughout the week so that no single location becomes too familiar with my presence. Spending any appreciable amount of time in one place is bound to make you privy to the occasional odd situation, but I have come to believe that coffee shops are breeding grounds for weird. The following is my account of the wonderfully weird and horribly awkward situations I have encountered.

A Careful Choice of Words.

Apparently Starbucks is a great place for old dudes to hit on high school girls.  Today I saw a Creepy Older Guy (about 40, business suit) chatting up a very spunky younger girl (high school-looking) that he’d clearly talked to previously.  I’ll call her B.L.  You’ll see why.

Note: she wasn’t sitting at his table, but rather just walking past as he initiated the conversation.

C.O. Guy: Did you have a fun trip?
B.L.: Yeah!  It was so much fun!  I wish I could live there!
C.O. Guy: Well why don’t you?
B.L.: Haha!  I Can’t just move!  I’ve still got so much to do and I’m not that old yet.
C.O. Guy: Oh yeah?
B.L.: Yeah, I’m barely legal.
C.O. Guy: wat

Okay, so he didn’t respond via meme.  He didn’t really respond at all, at first.  His eyes just kinda went wide.  I’m pretty sure the actual use of the term “barely legal” stunned him a bit.  After regaining composure, the conversation resumed in full force, perhaps even with more purpose.

Is caffeine the new booze?

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