My name is Brad. I am a writer, I am awkward in social situations, and I spend a lot of time in coffee shops trying to escape all of the terribly distracting things I find at home (video games, movies, tv, cats, comics, vitamin water, robots, etc.). I rotate amongst local coffee shops throughout the week so that no single location becomes too familiar with my presence. Spending any appreciable amount of time in one place is bound to make you privy to the occasional odd situation, but I have come to believe that coffee shops are breeding grounds for weird. The following is my account of the wonderfully weird and horribly awkward situations I have encountered.

“Hey Pot, It’s Me, Kettle.”

I really do understand why most pretty girls have such tough exteriors.  It’s because the world is way too creepy for pretty girls to simply be nice to everyone.  A prime example is a Starbucks Barista that has been mentioned here before.

Today when arriving at Starbucks, before even getting through the door…

Barista: YOU GOT A HAIRCUT!
Brad: Oh?  Uh… oh yeah…

Most of my friends didn’t even notice I got a haircut.

Now that isn’t the story.  That is just a demonstration of how nice this particular Barista is.  She’s not just like this with me, either.  She seems to remember all of her regular customers and treat them as if they were her friends (which some of them may be).

This is probably what lead Old Guy Creeper  (probably late 50’s) to think it was okay to give her a big hug and ask her about her “guy” situation.

After she broke out of the hug, she pointed to a fellow young Baristo behind the counter…

Barista: This is my guy.
OGC: Aren’t they all your guys?
Barista: Well, this is my number one guy.  We’ve been secretly seeing each other for a while, but finally made it official.  We even asked the manager.
OGC: Oh…
Barista: Yeah.

“Aren’t they all your guys?” What does that even mean?

Anyhow, OGC simply grabs his drink and leaves looking a bit defeated as Barista returns to behind the counter to stand next to Baristo (who has yet to open his mouth at all).  As OGC is leaving, he turns back…

OGC: Your secret is safe with me.

Didn’t she just explain that it wasn’t a secret anymore?

Now this is the interesting part.  After OGC leaves, Barista turns to Baristo…

Barista: Wait until he drives away.
(a few moments go by…)
Barista: Thanks.  You were saving me from a crazy man.
Baristo: He’s probably hiding behind your car.

They both laugh off the creepy encounter, perhaps chalking it up as one of the hazards of being nice.

And yes, I realize that I’m in no place to accuse someone else of being creepy for mistaking kindness for something else, but this guy was seriously old.

And no, this blog isn’t creepy.  It’s funny.  …Right?

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5 Comments so far

1. Ron February 11, 2009 1:24 pm

   Ask her out.

2. admin February 11, 2009 1:30 pm

   I feel you may have missed the point of this story, Ron.

3. Ron February 11, 2009 7:07 pm

   That you’re equivalent to a creepy, old man? Sorry, I didn’t read the background post yet.

4. micah January 19, 2011 2:52 pm

   Uhh… OGC huh?

   Turn your head to the left and look at that acronym. What does it look like a picture of?

5. admin January 19, 2011 3:03 pm

   Good catch, but that was the intention. This isn’t my first tour of duty.