My name is Brad. I am a writer, I am awkward in social situations, and I spend a lot of time in coffee shops trying to escape all of the terribly distracting things I find at home (video games, movies, tv, cats, comics, vitamin water, robots, etc.). I rotate amongst local coffee shops throughout the week so that no single location becomes too familiar with my presence. Spending any appreciable amount of time in one place is bound to make you privy to the occasional odd situation, but I have come to believe that coffee shops are breeding grounds for weird. The following is my account of the wonderfully weird and horribly awkward situations I have encountered.

Sorry, I Haven’t Had My Coffee Yet.

Today, after setting my computer down at a chair, I was getting my coffee and decided to try out a strawberry and granola yogurt parfait cup as well.  It was at this point that I almost became a complete bastard of a customer.

The Barista held up a plastic spoon…

Barista: Would you like a spoon for that?
Brad: No…

I had actually gotten the “no” out before stopping myself from what I was about to say.  My full though was, “No, I’ll just eat it with my hands.”  I’m pretty sure I was prepared to make a digging/scooping motion, like a raccoon trying to grab something shiny at the bottom of a cup or Winnie the Pooh with a honey pot.

Luckily I realized that this would have made me a complete dick.

Brad: … I mean yes, please.

Dickery avoided.

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