My name is Brad. I am a writer, I am awkward in social situations, and I spend a lot of time in coffee shops trying to escape all of the terribly distracting things I find at home (video games, movies, tv, cats, comics, vitamin water, robots, etc.). I rotate amongst local coffee shops throughout the week so that no single location becomes too familiar with my presence. Spending any appreciable amount of time in one place is bound to make you privy to the occasional odd situation, but I have come to believe that coffee shops are breeding grounds for weird. The following is my account of the wonderfully weird and horribly awkward situations I have encountered.

Did Someone Say LCDs?

Sometimes when I go to Starbucks all of the tables are full and I just turn around and leave. I was in the process of doing just that when I caught only the tail end of a light conversation by a group also leaving. One Nonchalant Girl was talking while three guys weren’t [...]

Bad Boys, Bad Boys, Whatcha Gonna Do…

Whatcha gonna do when you’re on fire and they’re not helping you because they are hanging out with Baristas?
Two cops were talking to the Baristas when one of their walkies goes off, reports some number, then he runs out of the door leaving the other cop and the Baristas behind.
Barista: Oohhh, that was exciting. [...]

Let’s Talk About Babies and Self-Fullfilling Prophecies!

A couple of fellow patrons at Starbucks were discussing their still-on-the-way bundle of joy with a friend of theirs.  Awwww, how sweet and innocent…
Mommy: We just had a sonogram and everything is going great.
Friend: Oh, did you find out the sex?
Mommy: Yeah, it’s a girl!
Daddy: I thought it looked like it might be a boy…
Mommy: [...]

Yes, That’s French They’re Speaking, Thanks To Muzzy.

I don’t know if I’ve ever mentioned this, but I usually get most of the stories for this blog while my productivity is at a minimum.  I’ve usually lost interest in my work, and thusly become more interested in my surroundings.
Well this particular incident begins with me being productive, headphones on, nose buried in a [...]

Double-Shot or Nothing.

Maybe it’s really time I change up my locations.
Today, when I arrived at Starbucks, the Barista and Baristo were both looking at me intently.
Brad: Can I get a large coffee?
Barista: Awww!
Baristo: Ha!
Brad: WTF?
Okay, well I didn’t really say that, but I’m pretty sure my facial expression conveyed the thought.
Baristo: We made a bet.  She thought [...]

Decaf: Not For Everyone.

Some people are comfortable reading at coffee shops, others like to do work (like me), and some think it’s perfectly acceptable to take a short nap.  This guy fell asleep at Kean, apparently right in the middle of turning the page in his book.
Sorry for the low resolution, but I didn’t want to get too [...]

An Exercise in Knowing The Limits of Your Potential.

This particular Starbucks is adjacent to a Porsche dealership that was displaying a few bright yellow cars.  CJ, about 6, told Mom that she should buy one.
Mom: CJ, I will probably never be able to afford that car in my entire life.

There was then a long silence where CJ was disappointed and Mom realized she’d [...]