My name is Brad. I am a writer, I am awkward in social situations, and I spend a lot of time in coffee shops trying to escape all of the terribly distracting things I find at home (video games, movies, tv, cats, comics, vitamin water, robots, etc.). I rotate amongst local coffee shops throughout the week so that no single location becomes too familiar with my presence. Spending any appreciable amount of time in one place is bound to make you privy to the occasional odd situation, but I have come to believe that coffee shops are breeding grounds for weird. The following is my account of the wonderfully weird and horribly awkward situations I have encountered.

Let’s Talk About Babies and Self-Fullfilling Prophecies!

A couple of fellow patrons at Starbucks were discussing their still-on-the-way bundle of joy with a friend of theirs.  Awwww, how sweet and innocent…

Mommy: We just had a sonogram and everything is going great.
Friend: Oh, did you find out the sex?
Mommy: Yeah, it’s a girl!
Daddy: I thought it looked like it might be a boy…
Mommy: But they told us it’s a girl.  They even gave us a picture of her labia.  It didn’t look like anything.
Daddy: It could have been two balls ready to drop.
Friend: …ohhh.

Yes, baby labia (babia?) were discussed in Starbucks.

I’m sure the next thing to pop into your mind is, “what would you name such a baby?” Isn’t it obvious…

Friend: Have you guys thought of any names yet?
Daddy: Yeah, we’ve discussed a few.
Mommy: He always picks out stripper names.  Like Candy.

Daddy smiles and nods.

Mommy: Though I don’t mind a stripper name as long as I like it.  I like short names.
Friend: Uh… yeah.

On a side note, my original title of this post was, “Yo Dawg, I Herd You Like Labia” but for some reason I didn’t think everyone would get the joke without Xzibit to guide you along.

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