My name is Brad. I am a writer, I am awkward in social situations, and I spend a lot of time in coffee shops trying to escape all of the terribly distracting things I find at home (video games, movies, tv, cats, comics, vitamin water, robots, etc.). I rotate amongst local coffee shops throughout the week so that no single location becomes too familiar with my presence. Spending any appreciable amount of time in one place is bound to make you privy to the occasional odd situation, but I have come to believe that coffee shops are breeding grounds for weird. The following is my account of the wonderfully weird and horribly awkward situations I have encountered.

Does Ed Hardy Make Scrubs?

One of the problems with eavesdropping is that the circumstances aren’t always optimal.  Sometimes, no matter how hard I try, I can only pick up bits and pieces of a conversation.  Most of the time that makes the conversation unpostable (such as one story about a lapdance, to which I never heard the conclusion).  Sometimes, [...]

Coffee Isn’t Carbonated, So I Hate You.

A dude just burped on me. He was sitting at the table next to me, turned to face me, burped directly at my ear (about 18 inches from me), got up, then walked outside.  He could have at least burped straight forward.   Thankfully Pete’s doesn’t serve salami flavored coffee.

Twitter and Coffee.

In case anyone is interested, I twitter (tweet?) over at http://twitter.com/bradandcoffee. It’s not like this site in that it doesn’t always relate to coffee, but I felt that I’d pass it along anyway.
Also, thanks to the person who google’d “Brad douchebag name” and ended up here.

“I Always Like a Smoke After a Good Round of Emulating Car Noises.”

Crazy Dude: BROOOM! BRRRROOOOM! BRRRRROOOOM!!!!!! …. Does anyone have a cigarette?
No one answered.
I looked at him and shook my head, half signifying that I didn’t have a cigarette, half signifying my disapproval of his behavior.

“Yeah, I Guess Kiki Sounds Asian, Too.”

Woman on Phone: Did you get that book of baby names I gave you?… Oh… Though Mika almost sounds like a dog or a cat or something.  Like a made-up name or a little Asian name… Yeah, CeeCee is a good one too.  It kinda goes with Sophia.  I wonder if you could spell it [...]

The Daily Pilot: Exposing OC’s Real News

Three biz-casual guys sat down at a table together.  The conversation seriously went like this…
Frontman: Did you see? I was on the cover of the Daily Pilot today.
Self Promoter: Did you see my ad?
Realist: Who reads the paper?
Frontman and Self Promoter shrugged then continued on to another topic.  A few minutes later, Frontman got a [...]

Adventures In Misinformation.

Something I probably don’t need to tell you: Attractive women in Orange County love coffee and related coffee-based products.
Now that this has been established, I was privy to a Particularly Attractive Girl (PAG) sitting across Starbucks, directly in my eye line.   While I’m usually pretty efficient in not drawing attention to myself, I’m fairly certain [...]

This Note Isn’t For You; It’s For Self.

Note to self: Don’t wear cardigan to coffee shop.  Guys will nod at you.
Side note: May apply for places other than coffee shop.

How To Be A Douchebag.

Step 1: Grow a goatee.
Step 2: Go to Coffee Bean.
Step 3: Set giant headphones on your table.
Step 4: Blare death metal through afformentioned headphones (still on table), thus effectively making them not headphones at all.