My name is Brad. I am a writer, I am awkward in social situations, and I spend a lot of time in coffee shops trying to escape all of the terribly distracting things I find at home (video games, movies, tv, cats, comics, vitamin water, robots, etc.). I rotate amongst local coffee shops throughout the week so that no single location becomes too familiar with my presence. Spending any appreciable amount of time in one place is bound to make you privy to the occasional odd situation, but I have come to believe that coffee shops are breeding grounds for weird. The following is my account of the wonderfully weird and horribly awkward situations I have encountered.

I’ll Take A Uni-shot Espresso.

The unibomber was sleeping outside of Coffee Bean. That is all.

What Came First, The Guinea Pig or The Cage?

A Teacher sat with Another Teacher discussing her class pet, which was a guinea pig…
Teacher: “Guinea pigs are from South America.”
Another Teacher: “Oh that’s weird. They’re actually from somewhere? I just thought they were some sort of domesticated something.”

The conversation abruptly changed topics after that.

Old Ladies Love Cats. Young Ladies Love Old Ladies.

I love when people fall into stereotypes. I don’t know if it’s because I find comfort in my limited wold view, if it feels like life is imitating a movie, or if it’s just so typical it’s funny. Still, sitting next to Old Ladies and listening to them talk about their cats and [...]

Girls: 2,345, Brad: 1.

I’ve mentioned before that I don’t like talking on my phone for any extended amount of time while in a coffee shop. I’ve also mentioned that there are always hot girls around. Most always, anyway. Anyhow….
While waiting for an important call, my phone started to vibrate in my pocket. Knowing that [...]

I’ve Got a PhD in Internet.

Two guys on laptops were sitting across from each other at a study table…
Laptop Guy 1: “Did you see her on my profile?”
Laptop Guy 2: “I didn’t see your profile.”
Laptop Guy 1: “Why aren’t you accepting my friend request?”
Laptop Guy 2: “What?”
Laptop Guy 1: “I can’t believe you.”
Laptop Guy 2: “Well, were is it?”
Laptop Guy [...]

Bluedouche.

Douchey Guy walks up to the counter to order.
Douchey Guy: “Did he ask you?”
Baristo: “Ask what?”
Douchey Guy: “Did he ask you!?
Douchey Guy points at the douchey device in his ear.
Douchey Guy: “I’m on my phone…”
Baristo: “Oh.”
Douchey Guy: “Did he ask you to meet at my house on Saturday?”
People in line wait for conversation to finish.

Bill And Zach’s Excellent Adventure.

How do you know when a bro answers the phone?
Cellular Bro: “Hello?… Zacharonious!”

GIVE ME ESPRESSO IF YOU WANT TO LIVE!

So there I was, in Starbucks minding my own business when Lonely Guy sitting across from me by himself goes into a stroke-like blank stare and mutters, “Arnold” under his breath. I was fairly certain I’d just witnessed someone develop Alzheimer’s in front of my eyes, until he finally got out what he was [...]

The Apology.

I’ve been neglecting my posting duty. I know. I’m sorry. If it makes you feel any better, the reason I haven’t been writing here is because I’ve been writing things actually related to my career. I’ve still been having weird coffee experiences, and I’ve still been taking pictures and making notes. [...]