Brad and Coffee » Irvine Pete’s @ University Center

Maybe You Can Find The Common Thread.

admin — Tue, 15 Sep 2009 20:45:33 +0000

As I’ve mentioned before, sometimes I can only difinitively make out parts of a conversation. Sometimes I’ll have to throw away a whole post because I didn’t get the whole story, but sometimes the portions are all that you need. The following all comes from a conversation between two ladies who both sounded very opinionated, sarcastic and annoying.

In a very sarcastic tone, pretending as if she were talking to her husband…

Annoying Lady 1: “You haaad to make me park outside and walk two blocks in the dark while there is a rapist roaming around in our neighborhood because you had to have the garage… but whatever.”

Annoying Lady 2: “He was hanging out with a different drug dealing slut every night. Do you think they’d do DNA testing this day and age? Nope!”

Annoying Lady 1: “I guess if i just learn to live on just water… I could lose some weight, but really? Four hundred thousand dollars?”

Annoying Lady 2: “What do you think of these hybrids?”
Annoying Lady 1: “I dont like them. It flips me out. Its like when someone next to you is eating pizza and that is all you can taste. I’m eating an apple and it tastes like a grape! it just flips me out. Flips me out.”
Annoying Lady 2: “I dont even like these seedless watermelons. Watermelons taste better when they have seeds in them. The flesh tastes better.”

Yes, it took me a second also to realize they were talking about hybrid fruit, not hybrid cars.

Encore!

admin — Sun, 13 Sep 2009 21:45:30 +0000

Two couples were congregated near the creamer station. I caught the tail-end of a Girl throwing a pity party saying…

Self Pity Girl: “…because my life sucks.”

At that very moment, a Happy Guy unassociated with Self Pity Girl claps and smiles. Self Pity Girl glares at Happy Guy.

Happy Guy: “Sorry. I’m not clapping about that.”

Well done, Happy Guy.

So, By… Gayness Then?

admin — Tue, 08 Sep 2009 19:20:23 +0000

I overheard a Man who was, I believe, making the transition from digital to analog with a new friend that he met online…

Analog Man: “Well, you said there are some pictures that you look better in than in person… I happen to look better in some pictures than I do in person. You’d laugh and say, “you never looked like that!” My own mother says that!”

Some mundane conversation passed, then…

Analog Man: “Fort Lauderdale? I hear it’s one of the gayest places in America, so congratulations. No, not percentage wise.”

Carl from Up!

admin — Sun, 06 Sep 2009 22:00:21 +0000

Nothing clever. This guy just looked like Carl, from the Pixar movie, “Up“. Being that this was at UCI, guys that looked like Russell were a dime a dozen.

More Exclamations = More Success!!!!

admin — Tue, 01 Sep 2009 20:50:13 +0000

Adam had a whole binder of success planned. The sad part is that Adam saw me taking a picture of his binder. He flipped it over to face away from me. I felt like a dick.

Old Ladies Love Cats. Young Ladies Love Old Ladies.

admin — Sat, 29 Aug 2009 19:23:08 +0000

I love when people fall into stereotypes. I don’t know if it’s because I find comfort in my limited wold view, if it feels like life is imitating a movie, or if it’s just so typical it’s funny. Still, sitting next to Old Ladies and listening to them talk about their cats and playing Bridge was infinitely amusing. I didn’t catch anything too interesting about Bridge, but I did jot this down…

Old Lady: “My cat Remmington is just so affectionate and lovey. And have you ever seen a cat with an overbite? Cutest thing you’ve ever seen!”

The Old Ladies actually ended up talking to me for a bit about all sorts of things, but mostly about the way things used to be. It was very stereotypical and sweet. And the icing on the cake was that once they left, a girl my own age started talking to me because she thought it was cute I was talking to the Old Ladies.

Thank you, Old Ladies. And yes, I have seen a cat with an overbite.

Bluedouche.

admin — Wed, 26 Aug 2009 21:23:04 +0000

Douchey Guy walks up to the counter to order.

Douchey Guy: “Did he ask you?”
Baristo: “Ask what?”
Douchey Guy: “Did he ask you!?

Douchey Guy points at the douchey device in his ear.

Douchey Guy: “I’m on my phone…”
Baristo: “Oh.”
Douchey Guy: “Did he ask you to meet at my house on Saturday?”

People in line wait for conversation to finish.

Pandemic Panic.

admin — Thu, 07 May 2009 23:27:49 +0000

So I’ve been a little sick as of late. That has contributed to the lack of posts (because I haven’t been going out to coffee shops). I’m pretty much better now, but I still cough once in a while. Sometimes in public.

I was sitting in a particularly crowded Pete’s Coffee with an open chair next to me when a man sat down. As soon as ass met chair, I coughed once in my hand. He immediately bounced back up as if the chair sprung him out. He moved to the other side coffee shop. He must have known I love to hug pigs. And give them butterfly kisses.

Coffee Isn’t Carbonated, So I Hate You.

admin — Sun, 29 Mar 2009 01:52:06 +0000

A dude just burped on me. He was sitting at the table next to me, turned to face me, burped directly at my ear (about 18 inches from me), got up, then walked outside. He could have at least burped straight forward. Thankfully Pete’s doesn’t serve salami flavored coffee.