My name is Brad. I am a writer, I am awkward in social situations, and I spend a lot of time in coffee shops trying to escape all of the terribly distracting things I find at home (video games, movies, tv, cats, comics, vitamin water, robots, etc.). I rotate amongst local coffee shops throughout the week so that no single location becomes too familiar with my presence. Spending any appreciable amount of time in one place is bound to make you privy to the occasional odd situation, but I have come to believe that coffee shops are breeding grounds for weird. The following is my account of the wonderfully weird and horribly awkward situations I have encountered.

Revenge of the King Douche.

Remember King Douche? Of course you do. Well, I ran into him again, and unfortunately the only open seat was at the study station next to him. Though I try to look beyond these sort of things, I should mention that King Douche is Persian. It’s relevant to the story [...]

I’ve Got a PhD in Internet.

Two guys on laptops were sitting across from each other at a study table…
Laptop Guy 1: “Did you see her on my profile?”
Laptop Guy 2: “I didn’t see your profile.”
Laptop Guy 1: “Why aren’t you accepting my friend request?”
Laptop Guy 2: “What?”
Laptop Guy 1: “I can’t believe you.”
Laptop Guy 2: “Well, were is it?”
Laptop Guy [...]

It Was Like ‘Nam, But With More Sex.

As I was grabbing my coffee from the counter, I picked up just a fragment of a conversation from a nearby table…

I had a flashback of having sex with a guy my sister went out with.
I don’t think you understand what flashback means. That, or you’re a whore.

The Fifth Sense.

An incredibly perceptive child, roughly nine yeas of age, walked into Starbucks with his mother and said this…
“It smells like coffee in here.”
Like a good mother, she chose not to dignify his statement with a response.  Also, he might have had aspergers.

Does Ed Hardy Make Scrubs?

One of the problems with eavesdropping is that the circumstances aren’t always optimal.  Sometimes, no matter how hard I try, I can only pick up bits and pieces of a conversation.  Most of the time that makes the conversation unpostable (such as one story about a lapdance, to which I never heard the conclusion).  Sometimes, [...]

Adventures In Misinformation.

Something I probably don’t need to tell you: Attractive women in Orange County love coffee and related coffee-based products.
Now that this has been established, I was privy to a Particularly Attractive Girl (PAG) sitting across Starbucks, directly in my eye line.   While I’m usually pretty efficient in not drawing attention to myself, I’m fairly certain [...]

Did Someone Say LCDs?

Sometimes when I go to Starbucks all of the tables are full and I just turn around and leave. I was in the process of doing just that when I caught only the tail end of a light conversation by a group also leaving. One Nonchalant Girl was talking while three guys weren’t [...]

Honestly, Kevin Will Probably Be Okay With This Plan.

Sorry I haven’t posted in a while, but I’ve been out of the Starbucks loop for the past couple of weeks doing various holiday activities.  Luckily all of the weird was patiently waiting right where I’d left it… at the table of girls next to me.
Roxanne: His gay brother and grandma bought him a house.
Other [...]

Wow, These Guys Have Great Taste.

You ever get that feeling that Starbucks is playing all the music that you love?  Well, if you’re like me, that probably means that your iPhone is actually playing in your pocket while everyone around you internally debates whether or not to tell you.

Don’t Drink and Drive.

I recently discovered my car had been sideswiped.  Not horrible, but a few nice long scrapes in the rear passanger quarter panel.  It is clear that someone cut it to hard when pulling out of thier parking spot next to mine.   It also goes for about two feet or so, thus the person obviously realized [...]