My name is Brad. I am a writer, I am awkward in social situations, and I spend a lot of time in coffee shops trying to escape all of the terribly distracting things I find at home (video games, movies, tv, cats, comics, vitamin water, robots, etc.). I rotate amongst local coffee shops throughout the week so that no single location becomes too familiar with my presence. Spending any appreciable amount of time in one place is bound to make you privy to the occasional odd situation, but I have come to believe that coffee shops are breeding grounds for weird. The following is my account of the wonderfully weird and horribly awkward situations I have encountered.

I Wonder If They Notice When I Take My Laptop In There Too?

Did you know they track your time spent in the bathroom at Starbucks? Well, they do. And did you know caffeine is a natural laxative? Well, it is.
Baristo (to Barista): “He’d go in the bathroom for half an hour. This is a small place. If you’re not out here, we [...]

Tic-Tac-Cow.

Get it? The chair was leather?
Oh… you got it?
Why didn’t you laugh?
Yeah, you said it’s funny, but that’s not the same as laughing.
Oh, yeah… I guess so.

Lot Rage.

I am of the belief that when you get a parking spot, you should be able to leave at your leisure.
Well, Hummer Soccer Mom doesn’t agree.
After a woman purchased her coffee-related drink, she left. I didn’t think anything of it until I heard honking outside. The woman was sitting [...]

Bill And Zach’s Excellent Adventure.

How do you know when a bro answers the phone?
Cellular Bro: “Hello?… Zacharonious!”

GIVE ME ESPRESSO IF YOU WANT TO LIVE!

So there I was, in Starbucks minding my own business when Lonely Guy sitting across from me by himself goes into a stroke-like blank stare and mutters, “Arnold” under his breath. I was fairly certain I’d just witnessed someone develop Alzheimer’s in front of my eyes, until he finally got out what he was [...]

The Apology.

I’ve been neglecting my posting duty. I know. I’m sorry. If it makes you feel any better, the reason I haven’t been writing here is because I’ve been writing things actually related to my career. I’ve still been having weird coffee experiences, and I’ve still been taking pictures and making notes. [...]

Stop Looking At Me, Sir.

I found it exceptionally hard to get anything accomplished with this tote bag staring at me. Not only was it creepy for obvious reasons, but the face also closely resembles how I picture myself in my mind’s eye.

Twitter and Coffee.

In case anyone is interested, I twitter (tweet?) over at http://twitter.com/bradandcoffee. It’s not like this site in that it doesn’t always relate to coffee, but I felt that I’d pass it along anyway.
Also, thanks to the person who google’d “Brad douchebag name” and ended up here.

The Daily Pilot: Exposing OC’s Real News

Three biz-casual guys sat down at a table together.  The conversation seriously went like this…
Frontman: Did you see? I was on the cover of the Daily Pilot today.
Self Promoter: Did you see my ad?
Realist: Who reads the paper?
Frontman and Self Promoter shrugged then continued on to another topic.  A few minutes later, Frontman got a [...]

Bad Boys, Bad Boys, Whatcha Gonna Do…

Whatcha gonna do when you’re on fire and they’re not helping you because they are hanging out with Baristas?
Two cops were talking to the Baristas when one of their walkies goes off, reports some number, then he runs out of the door leaving the other cop and the Baristas behind.
Barista: Oohhh, that was exciting. [...]