My name is Brad. I am a writer, I am awkward in social situations, and I spend a lot of time in coffee shops trying to escape all of the terribly distracting things I find at home (video games, movies, tv, cats, comics, vitamin water, robots, etc.). I rotate amongst local coffee shops throughout the week so that no single location becomes too familiar with my presence. Spending any appreciable amount of time in one place is bound to make you privy to the occasional odd situation, but I have come to believe that coffee shops are breeding grounds for weird. The following is my account of the wonderfully weird and horribly awkward situations I have encountered.

Let’s Talk About Babies and Self-Fullfilling Prophecies!

A couple of fellow patrons at Starbucks were discussing their still-on-the-way bundle of joy with a friend of theirs.  Awwww, how sweet and innocent…
Mommy: We just had a sonogram and everything is going great.
Friend: Oh, did you find out the sex?
Mommy: Yeah, it’s a girl!
Daddy: I thought it looked like it might be a boy…
Mommy: [...]

Double-Shot or Nothing.

Maybe it’s really time I change up my locations.
Today, when I arrived at Starbucks, the Barista and Baristo were both looking at me intently.
Brad: Can I get a large coffee?
Barista: Awww!
Baristo: Ha!
Brad: WTF?
Okay, well I didn’t really say that, but I’m pretty sure my facial expression conveyed the thought.
Baristo: We made a bet.  She thought [...]

An Exercise in Knowing The Limits of Your Potential.

This particular Starbucks is adjacent to a Porsche dealership that was displaying a few bright yellow cars.  CJ, about 6, told Mom that she should buy one.
Mom: CJ, I will probably never be able to afford that car in my entire life.

There was then a long silence where CJ was disappointed and Mom realized she’d [...]

Anything You Can Racially Profile, I Can Profile Better.

Starbucks seems like a very common place to conduct interviews.  I always see people sitting around, waiting for someone, having no idea what they’ll look like.  One Old Lady was sitting around for about 15 minutes before walking over to another lone patron who happened to be an Ethnic Guy.  The conversation went as follows…

Old [...]

TMI.

Frugal Man: How much is just plain coffee?
Barista: What size?
(a moment of silent staring.)
Barista: Small, medium or large?
Frugal Man: Small.
Barista: 1.75.
Frugal Man: Medium.
Barista: 1.85.
Frugal Man: Large.
Barista: 1.95.
Frugal Man: Oh.
He didn’t buy anything.

Yes, Rain is Wet.

It rained yesterday.  Quite a bit, actually.  That tends to make all of the stuff outside wet.  Well, there was one elderly man that didn’t seem to fully grasp this idea.
He bought his coffee, walked outside, walked back inside, then asked if he could borrow one of the rags that the Baristas use to wipe [...]

Hobo Lesson #1.

Coffee is 2 bucks.  Refills are 50 cents.  Find a cup that someone left on a table and buy a refill.  That saves you hobo money.

“Hey Pot, It’s Me, Kettle.”

I really do understand why most pretty girls have such tough exteriors.  It’s because the world is way too creepy for pretty girls to simply be nice to everyone.  A prime example is a Starbucks Barista that has been mentioned here before.
Today when arriving at Starbucks, before even getting through the door…
Barista: YOU GOT A [...]

Small Site Changes.

First off, apologies for things being slow on the coffee front.  If nothing interesting happens soon, I’ll have to start causing problems.
With that out of the way, this post is really about a couple additions to the website.  Over on the sidebar, I’ve added sections that display the 5 most popular stories as well as [...]

The Birth of an Internet Romance.

Dude: Yeah, and I also climbed Kilimanjaro.
Chick: Yeah…. your profile said you were athletic.
Dude: Sometimes you just get bored and gotta get out there, ya know?
Chick: Yeah.