My name is Brad. I am a writer, I am awkward in social situations, and I spend a lot of time in coffee shops trying to escape all of the terribly distracting things I find at home (video games, movies, tv, cats, comics, vitamin water, robots, etc.). I rotate amongst local coffee shops throughout the week so that no single location becomes too familiar with my presence. Spending any appreciable amount of time in one place is bound to make you privy to the occasional odd situation, but I have come to believe that coffee shops are breeding grounds for weird. The following is my account of the wonderfully weird and horribly awkward situations I have encountered.

Bluedouche.

Douchey Guy walks up to the counter to order.
Douchey Guy: “Did he ask you?”
Baristo: “Ask what?”
Douchey Guy: “Did he ask you!?
Douchey Guy points at the douchey device in his ear.
Douchey Guy: “I’m on my phone…”
Baristo: “Oh.”
Douchey Guy: “Did he ask you to meet at my house on Saturday?”
People in line wait for conversation to finish.

Is This Socially Acceptable?

I honestly don’t know if this is an okay thing for someone to do? I mean, the guy in the background is technically wearing even less footwear (open toed sandals) but feet out of shoes for any appreciable amount of time just seems odd at a place that is technically considered an eatery. [...]

“Yeah, I Guess Kiki Sounds Asian, Too.”

Woman on Phone: Did you get that book of baby names I gave you?… Oh… Though Mika almost sounds like a dog or a cat or something.  Like a made-up name or a little Asian name… Yeah, CeeCee is a good one too.  It kinda goes with Sophia.  I wonder if you could spell it [...]

Sorry, I Haven’t Had My Coffee Yet.

Today, after setting my computer down at a chair, I was getting my coffee and decided to try out a strawberry and granola yogurt parfait cup as well.  It was at this point that I almost became a complete bastard of a customer.
The Barista held up a plastic spoon…
Barista: Would you like a spoon for [...]

Did Niko Bellic End Up Owning An Arco At The End of GTAIV?

The great thing about wearing headphone all of the time is that people tend to think that you can’t hear them.  Even people sitting in the chairs next to you.  With the apple headphones, music on mute, you can pretty much hear just as well as you would without them.
This assumption was clearly made by [...]

Brad’s Quick Tip To Avoid Awkwardness / Getting Stabbed.

Frequenting Starbucks can sometimes put you in compromising situations.  Take, for example, what just happened to me a few moments ago.
A man who may or may not have been homeless had been wandering around outside of Starbucks since I’d arrived.  After a few hours of wandering, he decided to come into the virtually empty establishment, [...]

Madonna Probably Scared Them All Away, Bro.

When I get a phone call in Starbucks that I know will be more than a brief exchange of information, I tend to walk outside, or at least speak semi-quietly.  Some people, however, tend to raise their voices.  Take for example Excited Bro, on a call that he wanted everyone to hear…
Excited Bro: Dude, was [...]

It Was Awkward While It Lasted.

Note: This post breaches one of my cardinal rules about blogging; keep it short and sweet.  Still, if you’re truly interested in the depths of my awkwardness, this one is for you.  Trust me.
I’ve been keeping this story on the back-burner for a while because it was still simmering, but I’m pretty sure it’s done [...]

Afternoon Delight.

It’s the holiday season, and that means Starbucks has seasonal egg nog.  While standing in line, a woman behind me muttered to her friend…
“I wish they’d put some rum in that for me.”
I chuckled because I thought it was just a funny comment.  She took my chuckle to mean that she needed to justify her [...]

That’s So Clever!

I’ve found a new reason to dislike in-your-face vegetarians.  There was a woman talking loudly on a phone earpiece…
Oh, are you going to be serving dead cow?…  I don’t eat dead cow…  Brian eats dead cow.  Brian eats anything.
The most painful part was that she kept putting extra emphasis on “dead cow” as she smiled [...]